Mattan Masri-Week 17: Improved Superlatives

Hey guys remember like 3-4 weeks ago when I put out my own superlatives for people to vote on and said I would collect and graph the results? Well I did it, finally. To give some background for those out of the loop, when we were asked to vote on school superlatives I was remarkably unimpressed. The categories were the same, mundane subjects as they were every year, and I knew we could do better. I also don’t fully get why the categories are separated by gender, like, “yeah he has good hair, FOR A DUDE!” though I suppose giving multiple groups to vote on for each category could help people decide who to vote for and might lead to more definitive results for each category. Anyway, I made my own superlatives which are objectively superior. Here are the results.

For the first category, “Most likely to drop out of college and start a food truck” the results were fairly varied. I can’t say whether I strongly agree or disagree with any of the results, and not just because it could be considered as bullying. Since we’re on the topic, why do pursuits such as this often carry the stigma of failure? Following your dreams shouldn’t always have to mean shooting for the stars and being some big-shot celebrity or CEO. Anyway, enough deep thoughts, more analyzing irrelevant data.

The “Most likely to colonize Mars” category is rather unsurprisingly taken by Noah at 50%. I don’t know what his plans for after high school are, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he got involved in astrophysics or rocket science. I didn’t particularly expect to see myself in the data, but colonizing Mars could be neat, provided it’s not some indentured servitude type of thing. We’ve got about 12 more of these to get too, so moving on.

Another category I was not surprised by the results of at all was “most likely to die first in a horror movie.” Zoey definitely deserves the number one spot for this category and considering her interest in acting, it might even be a reality one day. Zoey, let us know if you ever get into any movies.

”Most likely to become wanted in multiple states/countries” is pretty  evenly split between a bunch of people. The results aren’t especially unexpected (remember: this means I’m not surprised that people voted this way, not that I wouldn’t be surprised if these people became criminals, don’t report me to Ms. Noiman, I’ll throw unwashed socks at you).

I cannot express in words how happy I am to have won the “Most likely to be several raccoons in a trenchcoat” superlative, with a majority of votes. I can assure you that I am not several raccoons in a trenchcoat and you can stop trying to collect hair samples to run DNA tests. I promise.

Amy ended up winning “Most likely to start WWIII”. Good for her (I think). I wasn’t sure what to expect for this one, but now that the results are in, I could absolutely see Amy starting WWIII. Probably on purpose.

Honestly, I expected Aaron to be most voted for “Most likely to join a boy band”, but I can see Ariel joining one. I wonder what his band would be called. Hopefully, I can get discounts on tickets.

Remember that time Bella got the super flu in freshman year and almost died? Good times. Now there are two ways I could see Bella getting a disease named after her. The first is that she has some chronic disease already and will just be the first patient to have that particular disease identified in. The other is her bioengineering some sort of mega plague to wipe out people she doesn’t like and naming it after herself.

I could see Gabe choosing to go bald. I’ve always said bald people’s heads look like eggs, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. One benefit of baldness is that you don’t need to buy shampoo or conditioner anymore. One detriment is that you will never again know where your forehead ends.

I haven’t been in a car with most of you, but I can say I don’t trust any of you to drive me places. Especially Dylan.

Wowie! “Most likely to become famous (accidentally)” has no definitive winner. One thing to keep in mind if you want to further ponder this query for yourself is that they don’t have to become famous for a good thing.

Can’t say I’m disappointed with this one. I won’t be elaborating on the subject for legal reasons.

Now that you’ve seen all the results, let me know which ones you agree or disagree with and why. Everyone is sure to know the people they’re closer friends with more so than others, so we can all bring our own perspective into this.